Vorstellung » Zim Tzu goes through ED NOTE: This has bad words.

Most of the other things we write on here usually don’t Marcus Sherels Jersey , but this one does. It seems to be a popular bit, so until the law catches up with me, I’m going to keep doing it. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for not reading and not letting your kids read it if bad language isn’t your thing. Hope you enjoy the rest of our articles—JoshThat’s right bishes, it’s a substitute effort on Zim Tzu this week. And just like all other substitutues, feel free to hate me and throw paper airplanes around this joint cause I clearly have less moral authority than the real teacher.Well, I’m not sure how many Vikings fans expected what was coming on Sunday, but I’d say the number was somewhere between 99 and 101 percent of us. I mean, what else is new? Playing down to the level of an inferior team, getting blown at home, suffering a historic loss when expecting to win, fucking up expectations when it comes to living up to the team’s potential ability to win a Super Bowl.So what do you have to do when you blew a game you should have won, one of your captains is dealing with mental health issues, and you’re heading out on the road to face one of the few other teams in your conference that could challenge for a Super Bowl this season.Sounds like a good recipe for success, I know! Because you are Zim Tzu, The King In The North, Breaker Of Gold Fever, The One Who Ties Packers and Gets Run Over by Bills, High Septon Of Eagan, Lord Commander Of The Iron Range And Twin Cities, Master Of Fortress TCO, Honorary Elder Of Mankato and Protector Of The Realm.That’s where Ted (and I, for this week and next) come in. What Ted and I (and I truly do mean just us, I better not get sued over this shit) do is break down the film* of the press conference, send what Mike Zimmer said through our own personal translators**, then spew it back out for public consumption***.*Yes, it is more instructive than anything Leslie Frazier ever said, no it should not be considered helpful medical or legal advice.**And I’m not talking about those jank-ass translators they have on whatever the latest sci-fi show is, I’m talking the translators that everyone gets when six bottles of beer are on the floor.***I’d recommend wearing sunglasses because the taeks in these articles have a tendency to blind people for their hotness.As he usually does, Mike Zimmer opened his press conference with a statement (Note, this press conference happened yesterday):What Zim Tzu meant: Well that was a fuckin’ disaster Xavier Rhodes Jersey , wasn’t it? This team played flatter than Kyrie Irving thinks the Earth is on Sunday, and now we have to go face the New Best Team in the West. On a Short Week. Because why the hell not. Oh, and they’ve only gotten better since we kicked their asses last season, and it certainly seems like we’ve gotten worse since then. But who knows, maybe that fucker on their sidelines is still feeding that shlub under center his feeds and maybe this defense can pull something out of their asses.Q: Is football important when it comes to Everson [Griffen] right now? Are you worried about his well-being?What Zim Tzu meant: What the fuck else can happen to this team while I’m in charge? I mean, we’ve literally almost had a player’s leg fall off, I lost my best running back for a year due to legal and league issues, my offensive line all died one year, and I’ve been cycling through quarterbacks like heroin addicts cycle through dealers. Of COURSE one of my captains needs to have a mental health evaluation. Guess I should be glad that I wasn’t around when the ceiling fell in on that old piece of shit stadium, though I suppose the new one could always catch fire if one of those birds those guys were worried about fall into the glass and the glass decides to microwave the field.Q: When did you know [Griffen] was out of sorts? Do you hope to see him soon?What Zim Tzu meant: All right you fuckers, one more person asks me a question I don’t like about Griff, I’m going Melissa McCarthy on your asses and throwing this podium right through you.Q: Do you think the [Everson Griffen] situation affected your football team’s focus on Sunday?What Zim Tzu meant: I’ll kill any of you sons of bitches who lets it out of the room, but what else would explain that disgraceful display on Sunday? I mean, it was Buffalo for fuck’s sakes, not the goddamn Monstars. We damn well better find a supply of that “Michael’s Juice” before we hit the field against L.A. this afternoon because if we don’t, I’m making these sons of bitches walk home.Q: What is the biggest challenge the Rams offense will present?What Zim Tzu meant: Yeah, you know how everyone was bragging about how good our offense was going to be before this season? Yeah, think like that, but only with an offensive line. That’s what we’re facing tonight. Fuckers.Q: Did you watch a lot of last year’s tape when you played the Rams? You guys played well against them.What Zim Tzu meant: You’re goddamn right we put on last year’s tape. Hell I have that game’s tape on a permanent loop in my bedroom. You know, to help me fall asleep. Nothing like proving to the rest of the world that those sons of bitches aren’t as good as everyone thought they were. If it happens again tonight, I may never sleep again.Q: What does Suh add to their defensive line?What Zim Tzu meant: For fucks sakes, if our offensive line hasn’t learned how to block again before tonight’s game, Kirk could very well be leaving this game in a body bag. Thank the good Lord that the only good part of L.A.’s defense that is fully healthy right now is their defensive line, because if we also had to deal with those corners, I think we’d be playing to see how long it takes us to cross the 50-yard line again. Fuckers.Q: What if anything can Kirk do to cut down on fumbles?What Zim Tzu meant: Kirk, I love you man, but if you fumble even once this game I swear I will personally cut your hands off and use them as boxing gloves to teach the corners how to play coverage. HOLD ON TO THE DAMN BALL JACKASS.Q: You’ve talked about pass rush discipline in the past. How did you think that was on Sunday and how does the ability of teams to extend plays stress the defense?What Zim Tzu meant: WHEN I SAY KEEP THE DAMN QUARTERBACK IN THE POCKET, YOU KEEP THE DAMN QUARTERBACK IN THE POCKET. Fuckers.Q: It’s one thing to play on Thursday Night, but how tough is it to play a team two time zones away on the road on Thursday Night?What Zim Tzu meant: Hey you scheduling sons of bitches, can a team get a home game on Thursday night just ONCE? I mean, for fuck’s sakes Mike Remmers Jersey , how likely is it that we’re on the road for every fucking one of our short-week games while I’m here? About as likely as a man actually deserving to wear a large condom, that’s how. Fuckers.Alright you sons of bitches, let’s go out there, hope our fans outnumber the Rams to make it seem more like a home game, and prove that Week three was just a damn fluke.See you next week. The Minnesota Vikings selected center Garrett Bradbury in the first round of the NFL draft. This, of course, doesn’t preclude them from taking more offensive linemen as the draft continues. That’s good news as several highly rated O-linemen have fallen to Day 2.There will be plenty of good players to choose from in positions of need (beyond OL) for Minnesota. The Vikings currently have the 18th pick in both the second and third rounds (Nos. 50 and 81 overall), but also have potential to move up by dealing later picks (Minnesota does have two picks in both the sixth and seventh rounds as well as one selection in the fourth and fifth).Here are a number of players who are available and expected to be drafted in rounds 2-3 (listed in alphabetical order):J.J. Arcega-Whiteside, WR, Stanford: At 6-foot-2, Arcega-Whiteside is great at going up and getting those 50-50 balls – which perhaps should be expected since both his parent played basketball professionally in Spain. Sounds like a good option for Kirk Cousins, who could use a receiver like that in the red zone. Arcega-Whiteside had 63 catches for 1,059 yards and 14 touchdowns in 2018.Yodny Cajuste, OT, West Virginia: Minnesota could use a tackle and Kirk Cousins could use some protection. Cajuste fits both roles as he’s known to be a strong pass blocker. He might be a bit of a longer-term project and could be still around in Round 3.Vikings NFL Draft CoverageHow NFL draft affected Vikings’ 2019 opponentsMinnesota Vikings 2019 NFL Draft gradesMinnesota Vikings 2019 NFL draft capsulesVikings take fliers on CB Boyd, WR Mitchell, WR Johnson, LS Cutting in seventh roundVikings use sixth round to draft DT Watts, S Epps, OT UdohVikings draft USC linebacker Cameron Smith in fifth roundVikings trade up in fourth round, draft guard Dru SamiaVikings trade down four times, use third-round pick to select RB MattisonPotential Vikings Day 2 picks in 2019 NFL draftVikings select C Garrett Bradbury with 18th overall pick in 2019 NFL draftCody Ford, OL, Oklahoma: Ford was mocked in the first round to the Vikings often, but finds himself still on the board in Day 2. Ford can play tackle or guard, but might be better suited for the inside. Minnesota needs line help, but after taking Garrett Bradbury in Round 1 (and presumably moving Pat Elflein from center to guard), tackle might b e more of a need. But Ford would be a great value if still around.Elgton Jenkins, C, Mississippi State: Jenkins play all over the offensive line but is projected to be a center or guard. He played played left tackle, right tackle Riley Reiff Jersey , center and left guard while at Ole Miss. Jenkins faced tough competition not only on his own team but also by playing in the SEC.Dre’Mont Jones, DT, Ohio State: A bad combine caused Jones’ stock to plummet, but he’s a good pass rusher for defensive tackle and early on could be a good rotational guy to pair with Shamar Stephen. If he slips into the third round, he’d be great value there.Greg Little, OT, Mississippi: One of a few true tackles who could be on the board in the second and/or third round, Little might be the top-rated one (without an injury red flag) remaining on the board. Having played in the SEC, he’s faced top competition and could compete for a starting job right away. Eric McCoy, C, Texas A&M: After eschewing a center in the first round, Minnesota could go that way in the second, allowing Pat Elflein to move to guard (or, McCoy could step in at guard). McCoy should be a solid player in the NFL and – hint, hint – he excelled in the run game in college.D.K. Metcalf, WR, Mississippi: The darling of the combine was not the darling of the first round as two wide receivers went before him. At 6-3 with a 40 time of 4.33 he has potential star quality. However, there were some medical red flags and questions about his route running. But high, high upside here.David Montgomery, RB, Iowa State: Yes, the Vikings have Dalvin Cook on the roster, but who is the backup? Minnesota needs to find someone beyond Ameer Abdullah and Mike Boone. Montgomery should be a decent pro. He rushed for 1,216 yards (4.8 average) with 13 TDs in 2018 as a junior and 1,146 yards (4.4 average) with 11 TDs in 2017. He also caught 58 passes over those two years. He’s not spectacular, but he should be steady. He might even make it to the third round.Byron Murphy, CB, Washington: You can never have enough good cornerbacks in this pass-happy NFL, especially if Minnesota is seriously considering trading Trae Waynes. At one time considered a first-round pick, Murphy relies more on instinct than size (5-foot-10 1/2) and speed (4.55 in the 40).Miles Sanders, RB Latavius Murray Jersey , Penn State: Taking over for Saquon Barkley, Sanders rushed for 1,274 yards (5.8 average) as a junior in 2018 with 24 receptions. On the plus side, that’s been the brunt of his work in college (276 carries overall). On the downside, he’s not really known as a pass catcher and his blocking needs work. He ran a 4.49 at the combine. Should be available in the third round.Khalen Saunders, DT, Western Illinois: At 6-foot, 324 pounds, Saunders offers strength in the middle of the line. But don’t discount his athleticism either (5.01 in the 40). Saunders projects best in a 4-3 defense, which will limit his suitors, and should be around in Round 3.Devin Singletary, RB, Florida Atlantic: There are a plethora of running backs who could go in rounds 2 and 3 and Singletary should be among them. He was a big-time producer at FAU (4,287 rushing yards, 66 TD in three years) and is a shifty runner who should succeed at the next level. He needs to improve in the pass game, however. Irv Smith Jr., TE, Alabama: Smith was a contributor only one year at Bama, but he averaged 16.1 yards per catch on 44 receptions with seven touchdowns. Smith has the potential to be a three-down tight end and perhaps the eventual replacement for Kyle Rudolph.Jawaan Taylor, OT, Florida: Another player who was projected to go in the first round but fell. In Taylor’s case it was reportedly because of a knee issue. Still, looking long-term, he could be a solid pro at either tackle or guard and would be great value in Round 2. Short term, perhaps he could still break Minnesota’s starting lineup in 2019 even if an injury prevents that from the start.Greedy Williams, CB, LSU: And yet one more who was expected to go in the first round but slipped to Day 2. Williams has good height, speed and instincts, but isn’t the biggest of corners and could struggle in defending the run.